Back in the caregiving mode again. Since my post last year around this time, Jim has had another metastasis—this time to the bone. The whole process of waiting, planning, deciding on treatment, and dealing with side-effects has begun again arousing many of the same emotions I experienced the first time around. Although the diagnosis shock has been replaced with something more like resignation, I still find myself trying to control every aspect of the process. In some ways knowing what lies ahead makes it easier. In other ways it seems more difficult. For anyone who doesn’t know, chemotherapy is grueling!
Jim’s attitude is good, as always. He had a few bad days adjusting to the news that bone met will require systemic treatment rather than radiotherapy. I, on the other hand, am somewhat depressed. A second metastasis pretty much eliminates the possibility of a complete cure—if that was ever a possibility. I know there is much to be grateful for but after five years with no recurrence I had really begun to hope the cancer was forever gone.
Back to the drawing board for me. I need a change in attitude.
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