Wednesday, July 6, 2011

The Witching Hour

This hour prior to our meeting with the oncologist is comparable to Washington Irvings witching hour--filled with fear,anxiety, and spooky spirits whispering, "Be very afraid."

For the first few days of our stay in Houston, I am able to distract myself with food and books and crossword puzzles. But then the inevitable, unavoidable hour arrives. The walk to the doctors office, the wait in the "waiting" room, the interminable minutes back in his office waiting for him to walk through the door. Hands shaking, heart pounding, I will try to engross myself in a novel but even that won't stop my mind from wandering.

I really have no idea whether the news will be good or bad; experience has taught me that my expectations frequently differ from the reality.Jim always expects the best; I pray for the best and try to prepare for the worst.

I know the Bible verses and believe me I am drawing on them: He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world. I have not given you a spirit of fear... . Satan roams the earth like a roaring lion seeking whom he might devour. But "The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak." My body just seems to take over with the conditioned fear response.

Almost time to leave.