Poor Pitiful Pearl's Post

After a three hour wait for the verdict, we learned that Jim didn’t pass the test. Another recurrence. More cancer. Additional radiation.

Pollyanna says, “At least it is treatable. We know what we are dealing with. He has always responded to treatment.”

Poor Pitiful Pearl says, “What next? When will the chemo stop working? How much more can he take? Woe is me."

In January of 2012 when Jim was told, after his third recurrence of lung cancer, that he was cancer free, I tried to believe that we were done, that the beast was conquered. Over the next eight months we basked in the glorious sunshine of remission unhampered by cancer’s dark cloud. I dared to hope that cancer was gone forever.

It was not to be. While we were enjoying the respite, the cancer cells were regrouping for another silent attack. Now I wonder if I was right when I wrote in Cancer Journey: “Once cancer is outside the organ of origin, a cure is not possible.” And if the doctors were right when they said in 2002: “This cancer is unpredictable and incurable. ”

I hesitate to express my doubts and fears because I don’t want to bring the wrath of God down upon me for failing to appreciate all He has done for us.

But here is the ugly truth: I am afraid; I am weary; I am discouraged.