Discouragement

Indulge me while I moan, groan, and complain. I am feeling overwhelmed and discouraged. Yet, nothing has changed since yesterday when I felt invigorated, directed, and optimistic. What happened overnight?

In an effort to "broaden my horizons" and divert my attention from the what inevitably becomes an all-consuming endeavor (the book, right now), I tried out for the local production of "Annie." Like many of my decisions, this was an implusive, last minute action. Not only did I have to sing and read, I had to DANCE--which is not my forte. It was a terrible audition, totally humbling, but I proved that embarrassment doesn't kill you and actually felt proud of myself--after the initial humiliation passed.

I did get a part in the chorus. I am a maid and a New Yorker and a number of other inconsequential unnamed persons. But it is a once in a lifetime opportunity to perform with my daughter Ashleigh (Grace) and my granddaughters, Quinn, Meg and Campbell (orphans). Until yesterday, I was enjoying myself. Today I am wondering how in the world I am going to be at practices every night--weekends included--through late December.

I have Christmas shoppping to do,presents to wrap, cookies to bake, Thanksgiving dinner to buy and prepare, flowers to plant.

I have neglected f.a.i.t.H. group. I need to update the website (done every 2 months), do some research for 2 members, make 2 hospital visits, send several cards, and make some phone calls.

Jim is sick today (in bed) after Tuesday's chemo. I have to go to the grocery store to get something he might eat(unlikely) and make some returns--the result of a week long shopping spree that sometimes occurs when I'm manic. Now I have buyer's remorse.

Things are moving along quickly with the publication of the book. I have interviews, articles to write, meetings with the publicist, and final details with the website and marketing print materials to approve and correct. Until yesterday it was fun and exciting. Today I am tired of playing author.

We went to a funeral yesterday of a dear friend who died unexpectedly. I so regret that I didn't interview him (as I intended to do for the last year) to write his life story. He had such a great story to tell and I missed the opportunity by failing to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit who was saying, "You really need to do this."

Then When I sat down at the computer just now--procrastinating--I read this email from an online cancer support group:

SMALL STRAWS IN A SOFT WIND by Marsha Burns -- Nov. 20, 2009:
The way is clear, and the door is open for you to proceed. Go forth with confidence and assurance, for I am with you, says the Lord. It is time for you to possess all that has been prepared for you. Do not be afraid or doubt that you have been set aside for My purposes at this time and for this season. If you will yield to the moving of My Spirit, I will cause you to actualize your kingdom potential.

I think He's talking to me again!