Balloon crash

Jim and I had been flying high since receiving the report on Oct 7 that Jim was cancer free. A 10:30 p.m. call from the oncologist burst our celebratory balloon and left us deflated. In Houston, Dr. Rios had told us that he wanted Jim to take "a few" more treatments-adjuvant therapy--not an unusual plan, and that he would call us within a week to give us the exact plan. We were so elated from the good news that we minimized the repercussions of additional treatment.

When we got home from Houston, while waiting for Dr. Rios to call with the specific protocol, we gradually absorbed the idea of being cancer free and imagined our lives without cancer treatment. Jim said, "It will be so nice not be tethered to I.V.s. Think of the extra time I'll have to do other things." I had dared to envision making plans for dinner or a weekend away without considering how Jim might be feeling. After months (years) of dealing with unpredictable and often debilitating side-effects, we would be able to return to a somewhat normal life.

“Hey, what happened to our miracle?” I wanted to ask Dr. Rios on the phone. ‘Cancer free’ conversation had been eclipsed with talk of ‘remission’ and ‘possible progression’ and 'monitoring for organ damage' from the toxic drugs.

Now we were facing another three, maybe even six months of infusion with the same medications that have killed the cancer--but seem to be killing Jim in the process. The prospect was bitterly disappointing.

Nicole reminded me the next morning that the confusion is arising because there is no ‘treatment standard’ for Jim. Not many patients with his history are blessed with scans indicating no evidence of disease. Therefore, Dr. Rios has to decide on the best course of treatment with little or no supporting research. If there had been visible cancer remaining, we would have continued with a maintenance protocol until the tumors showed progression--indicating that the drugs had been rendered ineffective. But since there are no tumors, the question becomes: How do we know when enough is enough? Does he stay on the chemo until something returns? How much more of the chemo can he endure without organ damage? Should they stop the chemo now? Then when?

So we have to keep praying for wisdom for Dr. Rios, who hasn’t steered us wrong yet, and keep thanking God and giving Him the glory for the things He has done.