Why Suffering?

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4: 16-18

The diagnosis of a terminal or life threatening disease—like cancer—causes one to seek answers to life’s important questions. In order to accept the possibility of Jim’s death, I needed to believe there was a purpose to our suffering. My ensuing spiritual quest is chronicled in Cancer Journey: A Caregiver’s View from the Passenger Seat. When we spoke this week in Alabama and Georgia, I was reminded how hungry the listeners were for this message of hope and healing. I came home with renewed enthusiasm for sharing our story with the battle-weary warriors on this life journey.

No one is spared suffering in a cancer battle; often it is not until we suffer that the questions arise. From the depths of our despair come the questions: Is God good? Is God omnipotent? Can a good God allow suffering? Either He is good but not all powerful; or He is all powerful, but not good. Can He be both? If He loves us why doesn’t He fix us? As Philip Yancey writes, “Where is God when it hurts?” The answers we come up with will draw us closer to God or drive us further from Him.

On this earth everyone suffers. Suffering is part of the human condition, whether it is in the form of physical pain or mental anguish. Is the suffering senseless?

I like the Roman Catholic idea of “redemptive suffering” first introduced to me by a friend, Cheryl Himmelright. Suffering brings us closer to our Lord Jesus Christ if we view it as an opportunity to share in his suffering for us on the cross.

In “The Redemptive Suffering of St. John,” Father Michael Buckley explains it like this:

“-The God of the Universe is totally Good, Wise, Merciful, Just. His being excludes any shadow of evil.
- Sorrow, suffering and pain did not form part of the original divine plan for mankind. The Old Testament presupposed and described an idyllic era when all was harmonious and peaceful.
- The root cause of evil in the world is: Satan, and mankind, in so far as it comes under the influence of the "Adversary."
- Though God is not the cause of evil and suffering, He can use it, so to speak, as a means of correction and redemption. This, like the other propositions, has to be very carefully understood and interpreted.”

Before you can accept God’s grace and take comfort in His promises, you must decide whether He is trustworthy. To do this, immerse yourself in His Word. See what the Bible has to say about suffering beginning with the Old Testament accounts of Job, Isaiah, and Jeremiah. Call to mind God’s faithfulness in dealing with you through other difficult times. He demonstrates His faithfulness in the small things so that we can trust Him in the bigger ones.

Hopefully you will, as I did, conclude that God is good, that He is a merciful God of Sorrows who sees our suffering but knows that it is fleeting, that He would not leave us in our misery without the hope of being reunited with our loved ones for eternity. Believing these things doesn’t make suffering easier to understand but it does make it easier to bear.

From Father John Lombardi, another Catholic scholar:

“Redemptive suffering is any trial or tribulation (physical or mental) we offer up and UNITE to Jesus- as a "gift" to Him to express our love thru a costly way, in exchange for some other good. Notice the key elements: we consciously choose embrace suffering; it is precious (a "gift") because it is painful (not fun or "easy"); it brings us close(r) to Jesus in an intimate and intense way; and the suffering may "spiritually repair" my own soul or others-and thereby help in the work of redemption (Christ's allowing me to help Him save souls).”

“There are two kinds of suffering-redemptive suffering and wasted suffering…Which one will you chose?”

Lung Cancer Facts

To kick off National Lung Cancer Awareness Month I am listing facts about the disease that changed our lives. Share this with everyone you know to boost awareness, encourage contributions, and save lives.

1. Lung cancer is the # 1 cancer killer.
2. Lung cancer is the #1 cancer killer among women having surpassed breast cancer in 1987.
3. Lung cancer kills more people than colon, prostate, and breast cancers combined.
4. Yet, lung cancer research is least funded of all of the major cancers.
5. Lung cancer kills twice as many women as breast cancer but receives 1/10 the amount of funding.
6. 6 of 10 diagnosed with lung cancer will die within the first year.
7. 7.5 of 10 will die within two years.
8. 20% of those diagosed have never smoked.
9. 60% are former smokers many of whom stopped more than twenty years before.
10. Only 20% are currrent smokers.
11. One reason for the lack of support for LC is the lingering stigma of the disease. No one deserves lung cancer. Share this information with everyone you know.

Why a Support Group?

My introduction to support groups came years ago when co-dependency was the buzz word among lay people and psychologists. I had reached the point where I couldn’t answer the simple question, “How are you today?” without first consulting with my three children. If all was well with them, all was well with me. I was never happier than my least happy child. Seldom were all three problem free, which meant I was seldom happy. Having decided that I fit the criteria for codependency (don’t all mothers?), I finally sought help.

The psychologist thought I would benefit from joining a group of other “co-dependents.” Being a rather private person and new to psychotherapy, I wasn’t eager to share my neuroses with a group of strangers, but since it was more economical than private sessions, I agreed. I was not comfortable at the meetings. I feared judgment; I didn’t really want them to know that I was a sick puppy. I became even more reticent when I realized that compared to the others, my problems were trivial. If I was a sick puppy, they were dying dogs. After sticking it out for several months, I left the group. The only therapeutic value came in the realization that I wasn’t as bad off as I thought.

Despite that negative experience, I am a zealous believer in support groups for cancer patients and caregivers. When Jim was diagnosed, I was desperate to find a group of people who understood what we were going through. I needed to know that survival was possible. I needed someone to help me sort through the maze of a cancer diagnosis. When we couldn’t find a group that met our needs, we started our own—f.a.i.t.H.--facing an illness through Him.

The members of f.a.i.t.H. are bound together by shared experience and a mutual foe—a killer disease. In this group, we do more than regurgitate our pent up hostilities and personality disorders with the sole purpose of catharsis. We do express our emotions without fear of judgment, but something magical happens when our burdens are shared with those who truly care about us and want to help. We are a proactive group intent on helping each other. In my first support group, the members were focused on their personal problems. In this group, the members focus on each other’s problems. We en-courage each other with the same encouragement we have received from God.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God” ( 2 Corinthians 1: 3-5).

If you are reluctant to join a support group, I ask you to consider some of the benefits:

1. The exchange of information.

A. How to control side-effects

B. Dietary concerns & recipes

C. Available protocols

D. Insurance information

E. Books

F. Oncologists

G. Treatment centers

H. Available trials

2. Reassurance that your feelings are normal.

3. Encouragement that others have survived cancer with prognoses as grim as your own.

4. Hope

5. Prayer support

6. Fellowship

7. Laughter

A good support group provides answers to the questions that most of us ask when confronting serious illness: How can I survive this? What happens if I don’t?

Most importantly, we come away from meetings knowing our concerns will be lifted up to the Ultimate Physician who can actually empower us for the battle we face. “For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there I am in the midst of them” (Matthew 18: 20).

Remission Depression

Go and celebrate with a feast of rich foods and sweet drinks, and share gifts of food with people who have nothing prepared. This is a sacred day before our Lord. Don’t be dejected and sad, for the joy of the Lord is your strength!” Nehemiah 8:10

For the past week, I have had the blues, been down in the dumps, out of sorts, or not myself. You’ll notice that I carefully avoid the word “depressed,” choosing instead any euphemism for the condition that plagued my father for most of his life. Knowing the genetic component of clinical depression, I’ve always had the unfounded fear that I, too, will be sucked into that bottomless pit.

The deaths of several f.a.i.t.H. members, visitations, and funerals this summer have contributed to my malaise. But apart from that very legitimate reason, I have little to be depressed about. Nicole, the psychologist daughter, suggested that because Jim is doing so well I have resorted to worrying about inconsequential happenings which I ignored when I had the overwhelming worry of his cancer.

Sad but true. I need something to worry about. When I was occupied with cancer, everything else shrank in importance. I couldn’t worry about whether a grandchild got the teacher he wanted or the part in the play that she deserved. My focus was on only one thing—Jim’s recovery. I had no energy left for other worries. Cancer has a way of realigning priorities and sifting the significant from the trivial.

Holly McRae, a member of f.a.i.t.H, whose six-year-old daughter Kate is battling a brain tumor expresses this so well:

“Yesterday was one of the best days in quite some time. Surprisingly, as I watched Kate go into her classroom for her first day of kindergarten, I wasn't overwhelmed with tears. Simply excitement and gratitude. Gratefulness that she got the chance to experience a first day of kindergarten, meeting new friends and navigating through an elementary school. Yes, her first day was far different than I could have ever imagined years ago. It was different, and yet still so good.

Kate is currently being evaluated by the school district to see what therapies she would or would not qualify for. The irony never misses me. The one I thought be bored with school, as it came so easy for her is now being tested to see what she needs to help her get through it. As it is still a hard pill to swallow some days, I am reminded of what truly matters, those things that no one or no disease can steal. Only those things that will last, those things that have eternal significance. In a moment the things we spend our lives painstakingly chasing can be gone. Gone with one diagnosis, gone in a moment. I hope I won't always fear cancer, but I pray that it will always remind me of what lasts. That it will have given me perspective not many find. And a confidence of what truly matters.”

This realigning of priorities has happened more than once in my lifetime. In September of 2001, tennis consumed my waking hours. I played several times a week and when I didn’t play I talked about it—how to win matches, why I lost matches, reliving points, and planning rematches. When I won a match, I was elated; when I lost I was defeated. I played tennis, as I play most games, as if it was a matter of life and death—fully engaged, committed, and involved. I approached each match using the techniques of Inner Tennis talking to myself to control the nerves that if unbridled would interfere with my ability to execute.

Then came 9/11. My priorities shifted. The outcome of a tennis match took its appropriate place in the bigger scheme of world events. I was no longer hampered by nerves before a game. What did it really matter when the world was falling apart?

In November, 2002, Jim was diagnosed with lung cancer, and my world crumbled as surely as the World Trade Center had the year before.

When in the throes of a cancer battle, or any crisis for that matter, I think I will never again need an attitude adjustment—the yanking up by the chain that occurs when real problems come into our lives. In the midst of a trial, I think that henceforth I will give thanks for every “normal day,” never again needing the thrill of a big win, an article published in a prestigious periodical, a marketing effort come to fruition, a pat on the back, or any other of the ego-boosters that make my day. Just waking up, feeling well with no looming problems on the horizon is good enough. After living in cancer’s shadow one would think a sunny day reason enough for rejoicing.

But I’m human. And human beings are quick to forget the blessings we receive and just as quick to forget the Source from whom those blessings flow.

My prayer, like Holly’s, is that cancer will continue to remind me of what is truly important, that “it will have given me perspective not many find. And a confidence in what truly matters.”

In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed (1 Peter 1:6,7).

Book Review: What Every Christian Should Know About the Jewish People

An Interview with Sheryl Young

1. As a Jewish person, how did you come to know Jesus as your Messiah?

My family lived in an all-Christian neighborhood because of my father’s job. I really believed all the stories in the Torah (Jewish version of Old Testament), but I also wanted to know more about the Jesus my friends spoke of.

When we moved away from there, I forgot my desire for many years. Then, my grandparents died, and our family fell away from practicing Judaism. After I got married, my husband (whose mother was a Christian) just up and went to church one day. About two weeks later, he came home and said he’d accepted Jesus. So I went along to church, to see what it was about.

All those feelings came rushing back. But I still thought, I’m a Jewish girl, how can I accept Jesus? Then, the church had a revival and a Jewish believer in Jesus came to give her testimony and sing Messianic Jewish songs! That night, I gave my life to Christ.

2. What was the driving force behind your writing this book for Christians – and not a book for Jewish people about Christ?

Since finding the Lord in 1987, so many Christians have asked me questions about the Jewish religion, Jesus’ Jewish upbringing, and why Jewish people find it hard to accept Jesus as the Messiah. Also, there have been recent times that churches have attempted to “evangelize the Jews” without learning about them first. I felt a strong calling to help Christians have more tools and knowledge for reaching out to the Jewish world community in friendship and love.

3. What are a few questions you answer in the book?
The book is subtitled “Improving the Church’s Relationship with God’s Original Chosen Nation,” so there are many topics included to give Christians a well-rounded way to relate to Jewish people. But here are the questions I’m asked most often:

-Is Judaism a religion, a nationality or a culture?
-Why did Hitler target Jewish people and those who helped them in the Holocaust?
-How can I, as a Christian, defend Israel’s existence?
-Do Jewish people really need to be “converted,” and must they leave all their Jewishness behind?


About the Author

Sheryl’s been freelance writing professionally since 1997. Her work has been seen in the Tampa Tribune, St. Pete Times and Florida Baptist Witness Newspapers; Light & Life, Today’s Christian Woman and Better Nutrition Magazines; “Chicken Soup for the Soul,” Vista Sunday School Curriculum, NewChristianVoices.com and most currently as Staff Writer for The Underground Online Christian Magazine.

How to get the Book:

 Find details about How to Order “What Every Christian Should Know about the Jewish People” at her Faith-Inspired Blog, http://20-20faithsight.blogspot.com. It is available (online only) at LifewayStores.com http://www.lifewaystores.com/lwstore/product.asp?isbn=141411074X&mscssid=AH2W347UGRPX9H0PAHFBFEVDFHSM0D9F, Amazon.com and most other bookselling websites, or Wine Press/Pleasant Word Publishing https://www.winepressbooks.com/product.asp?pid=1852&search=Sheryl+Young&select=Keywords&ss=1

School Days

As my grandchildren prepare for a new school year, I remember my own school days and the excitement surrounding that first day.

In 1952 those of us starting first grade were truly novices. We didn’t have the advantage of pre-school, Mothers-day-out, or even kindergarten. If we knew our alphabet (and most of us did), it was because our parents taught us – not because they wanted us to get a head start, but because parents were expected to teach us the basics. There were no readiness tests or entrance exams because there were no private schools in our working class town. No one considered holding a child back until he was “ready.” If you turned six before 1953, you started first grade in September of 1952.

No one sent home a list of school supplies. We showed up on the first day with the requisite pencil box, milk money tied in the corner of a hanky, and a sack lunch. There was no dress code. The girls wore dresses; boys wore shorts or pants with shirts tucked in. Everyone wore anklets and some sort of practical oxford. We were neat and clean, faces shining, clothes ironed, and hair combed in honor of the special occasion – the first day of school.

Parents didn’t have anxiety about which teacher we would be assigned. The school only had two first grade teachers and our parents didn’t think they had a choice. My best friend and I were assigned to Miss Korb, a spinster who seemed ancient to me, but was probably no more than forty-five. She was of German descent; I think she may have studied under Hitler. She was mean as a snake and put up with absolutely no nonsense. One day I got a bloody nose in her class but sat at my wooden desk and bled all over my saddle shoes rather than incur her wrath. But Miss Korb got the job done. We all learned to read about Dick, Jane, and Spot.

My grandchildren pose for their “first day” pictures – taken with a digital camera rather than a Brownie. They are weighed down with their monogrammed back-packs filled with 150 dollars’ worth of required supplies. Tennis shoes have replaced the saddle oxfords; designer duds have replaced the pinafores. One thing remains unchanged – the excitement of the children as they enter the hallowed halls of learning.